The Return of SPASSKY! (Nov 2010) 44 A5 pages 

Yes he's back! World Stare-out Champion Sigmund "The Eye" Spassky reappears at last in The Return of SPASSKY! and this time practically every cartoon panel is different! The long awaited follow up to The World Stare-out Championship Final sees creator PAUL HATCHER getting out his pens and pencils for the first time in over 10 years, but can he come up with the goods and match the success of the original Stare-out or has he produced a seriously ill-advised misfire that will split the fans like never before? Find out for just £4.95 in this 44 page comic book comeback! 

WARNING! Contains a lot of gratuitous swearing!!! 
WARNING! You'll either love this one or more probably, hate it!!! 
WARNING! Don't say I didn't warn you!!!

He's behind you!!!

What the critics said about The Return of SPASSKY! in 2010...

"Horribly self indulgent." - Richard Kench (one of Paul's friends)
"The funniest thing you've ever done!" - Table Tennis Dave (one of Paul's other friends)
"The swearing will put people off." - Joe Vaughan (yet another of Paul's friends)
"You should be doing comics for a readership of more than one!" - Peter Wiener (Paul's brother-in-law)
"Hope you feel relieved after getting a few things off your chest!" - Father Ted co-creator Arthur Mathews
"Absolutely no problem." - The other Father Ted co-creator Graham Linehan
"Oh, so you were listening after all..." - Paul's former agent Kasper de Graaf

*@!!* you Kasper de Graaf! *@!!*YOU!!!

£3.50  (UK only)

The World Stare-out Championship Final (1996) 

Never to be reprinted! Only a few copies left!

Just look at all that pure unadulterated stare-out!

Golly! What have we here? The one that captured the public's imagination and it all started here in this bag of Stare-out wonderment. This must be the original self-published comic/pack which the animated shorts of the Big Train TV show were based on after Father Ted Grand Master Graham Linehan spotted it on the shelf in London's GOSH! Comics. What?! Didn't you know The World Stare-out Championship Final existed years before Big Train was a twinkle in the eyes of Linehan and Mathews? Well here is it in all its sporting glory! This astonishing bag of excellence contains the original 32 page comic, a set of 18 Stare-out player cards, a poster of the championship path to the final, a couple of DIY stare-out masks and more, all of which came from the hard-working stable of The House of Hatch way back in 1996. If you're not convinced it's worth your hard earned currency then just remember that this priceless and unaffordable comic is now definitely a limited edition and, as previously stated, never to be reprinted! 

Just look at all that pure unadulterated stare-out in a plastic bag!

"This is inspired" - Caroline Harris in THE OBSERVER (June 1996)

£6.50 (UK only)

Signed Sigmund Spassky photo! YES! 

A perfect addition to your stare-out themed bedside table

A signed promotional photo of the great man just shortly before retaining his umpteenth World Stare-out Championship Title back in 1996. This high-quality monochrome reproduction of the steely gaze that crushed Kampagnola will out-stare you and your loved ones from your private desk, wall or wallet for years to come. No batteries required. Will never blink - guaranteed! Comes signed by the champion eyeballer's very own hand! You heard right, signed! For occasional viewing only - not to be stared at! Very few left!

£2 (UK only)

The World Stare-out Championship Final (Bloomsbury, 1999)

A much more splendid cover than the original, so credit must go to Bloomsbury designer, William Webb. 

In the wake of the Big Train TV show, Bloomsbury published this lavish and legitimate deluxe hardback version of the 1996 original, with an ISBN and everything - all of the fun, none of the stigma and all of the status! The edition, please note, leaves us in no doubt that the moral right of the author has been asserted, so watch out you! Complete uninterrupted coverage etc. but bafflingly, no page numbers, however there are certainly over fifty of them here. Fully illustrated, as one would expect, but in fairness some images are used more than once. 1p on the Amazon marketplace!

Read the stare-out reviews here

Chang Jin-Ming's Guide to Refereeing Stare-out (Bloomsbury, 2000)


Another commercially published, reassuringly solid hardback consumer product from the good people at Bloomsbury Plc. Referee extraordinaire Chang Jin-Ming offers us this detailed guide to Germany's fastest-growing spectator sport, courageously acknowledging that he took to refereeing Stare-out after realizing, at the age of 42, that he would never compete on the world stage, as he couldn't stare to save his life. Thoroughly illustrated and remaindered. Another timeless bargain! 1p on the Amazon marketplace!

What the-?!? A German edition of The World Stare-out Championship Final??? Yes indeed!!!!

Hände hoch! Schnell! SCHNELL!!!

It's true! We have photographic evidence, so who says the Germans lack a sense of humour? Good luck finding a copy of this one!

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